


Heavy on the shoulders

by bookl0ver



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver
Summary: Even when the dust is settled, Callum is still trapped under the shadow of Thompson’s manipulation, and he can't seem to find a way out.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	Heavy on the shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, long time no see! 
> 
> Thanks for clicking
> 
> Warnings: Di Thompson, Manipulation, Minor self harm, Panic Attacks, PTSD, Angst
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Cal, are you coming to bed?” 

Ben stared at the frozen figure of his boyfriend, hand halted where he had been about to take his audio processor out. The hitch of Callum’s breath prompted him to stand and make his way over, flicking on the bedroom light as he did. 

Normally pink cheeks were pale, Callum’s fingers trembled on the top button of his shirt. Tears glistened in his eyes; bottom lip harshly bitten between his teeth. When Ben reached a concerned hand out Callum flinched back, arms crossing over his chest. 

“Callum?” Gently, Ben stepped closer, relieved when Callum remained still. Those eyes that he loved so much were staring at him, a wariness in them that tore at Ben’s heart. “Baby, what’s wrong?” 

“I can’t... I can’t -" Callum’s gaze flicked from Ben down to his own chest and back again. Every time he glanced at the buttons on his shirt the trembling increased, more tears springing to his eyes. 

“Yes you can Callum,” Ben pressed his hands to Callum’s, unfurling the long fingers and running a soothing thumb over the crescent dips that had been pressed into Callum’s palms. Deciding to take a risk, Ben cleared his throat. “Tell me darling. Whatever it is, you can talk to me.” 

Callum’s eyes widened at the pet name and he let out a small whimper, knowing what it meant. Ben was worried about him, and they’d agreed that they would be completely honest. 

“It’s... it’s my shirt.” He forced out. Ben quirked his head to the side, glancing down at the shirt and then back up to Callum’s face. “When Thomp- “Bile rose in Callum’s throat and he wrenched his hands from Ben’s to press over his mouth, swallowing it back down. 

“Come sit down baby.” Ben placed a hand on Callum’s lower back and guided him to the bed, pressing down gently on his shoulder to lower him. Once Callum was seated, Ben perched beside him, rubbing across his back. 

“You ready to tell me what’s wrong Cal?” Ben prompted after several minutes, Callum’s breathing finally calmed down. 

An audible gulp then several deep breaths. Ben laid a hand on Callum’s thigh, rubbing reassuringly. Whatever was wrong, he wanted to help. He’d already managed to miss all of the signs of Callum’s struggle, his stress and anxiety as that man had blackmailed and coerced him into betrayal for weeks on end. He wasn’t going to allow himself to fail Callum again. 

“Thompson, he – He made me take my shirt off for him, when he gave me the… the wire.” Callum’s voice broke, covering his face. His hands clenched at the strands of his fringe, harsh tugs with every breath. 

“Hey,” Ben shot to his feet, standing over Callum to grab his wrists. “Stop that, don’t hurt yourself baby. It’s alright Cal, I’m here.” Fingers still wrapped around Callum’s wrists Ben sank to his knees, now looking up at Callum, preventing him from hiding his face. “What did he do?” 

Callum’s fingers twitched. He didn’t want to tell Ben, admit his weakness. It was bad enough that he’d even allowed himself to end up in that situation, blackmailed and spying on his family, and then had to get Ben to rescue him from the mess he’d made, he couldn’t tell his boyfriend that he couldn’t even take off his fucking shirt without panicking. 

The silence stretched between them, both too stubborn to back down. 

Eventually Callum couldn’t handle it. “He made me take my shirt off,” He finally forced out, opening his eyes to find Ben’s, strong and steady. “He watched me, kept making these comments about… about my body, about me.” A shaky breath left pink lips, his wrists dropped so Ben could cup his face in his hands. His world. “I felt so dirty, Ben. He only touched me to put the wire on me, show me how it worked and I just – I can feel him Ben, touching me, looking at me.” 

It took every bit of self-restraint Ben had not to lose it, anger shifting to boiling rage that threatened to spill over in his gut and in his veins. The tears filling Callum’s beautiful eyes, his trembling hands and rapid breaths, it hurt. Hurt to see his strong boyfriend reduced to this over a man not worthy to have ever laid eyes on him. Taking his own deep breath, he stretched up on his knees, a soft kiss pressed to Callum’s cheek. 

“It’s okay Callum.” It wasn’t, could never be okay, what had happened was so wrong. Callum was still waiting for the day when Ben decided he couldn’t forgive him, when he’d wake up to an empty bed and his bags packed. He’d deserve it. How could anything be okay again? “You’re okay, he’s gone, he can’t hurt you anymore, I promise you.” 

“I know that,” Callum mumbled. 

“What was that babe?” Ben asked. Guilt, hot and icy stabbed Callum’s chest. 

“I said I know that.” He repeated louder, raising his head so Ben could see his lips out of habit. “But it’s like he’s still here.” 

Ben spared a glance at the bedside clock, seeing it was creeping further and further into the early hours of the morning. They had to be up in the morning, sleep was needed. Bags, dark and heavy ringed Callum’s eyes, and Ben was sure if he bothered to look in the mirror he’d see the same beneath his own. 

“Cal, we need to go to bed, okay?” Callum tilted his head at him, looking around the room, eyes widening when they landed on the clock. 

“Oh shit, Ben I’m so sorry, I know you’re tired, I’ll just – “His rambling stopped abruptly. He didn’t know what to do. Every time his fingers touched the buttons of his shirt panic raced through him, Thompson’s cold leer flashing in front of his eyes. 

“Cal,” Ben repeated, taking Callum’s hands to pull him up gently. “Cal, do you trust me?” 

“Yes.” No hesitation, it wasn’t even a question. For all his naivety, that was one thing Callum knew with certainty – he trusted Ben. 

“Will you let me help you?” Callum nodded, mouthing a soft please that broke Ben’s heart. “Alright, I’m gonna take your shirt off, okay? Tell me if you need me to stop.”

Still as stone Callum stood, eyes shut as Ben placed his hands tentatively on his shirt. The first button came loose, exposing Callum’s throat with a hitch. Ben watched, his boyfriend’s face an open book to him. Focus entirely on Callum’s face, Ben began to speed up, deciding it was better to just get it over with. He didn’t need to look at the buttons, removing his man’s shirt muscle memory.

Finally, the fabric fell open, exposing Callum’s pale torso, all of the moles and scars that Ben had burned into his brain. Callum was breathing shallowly, eyes still shut, fists opening and closing at his side. 

“Callum, open your eyes baby.”

Callum shook his head, bottom lip trembling. “I can’t- I’ll see him. I don’t want to see him.” 

Ben sighed sadly, letting his hands find Callum’s cheeks again. “You won’t. Callum, I promise you won’t. It’s just me, okay? Please, look at me, I need to know you’re alright.” 

The plea in Ben’s voice and soft hands – hands that he’d recognise anywhere, calloused from years working on cars but shockingly tender – reached Callum through his fear, and before he realised it his eyes were flickering open. Just like Ben had promised, there was no Thompson. Relieved, he shrugged off the shirt, tossing it into a corner and falling forwards into Ben’s waiting arms. 

“Thank you,” He gasped against Ben’s neck, the ghost of Thompson’s gaze gone for the moment. “Thank you, I don’t- I love you, I love you so much Ben.” 

“Shh,” Ben soothed, hearing the tinge of hysteria in Callum’s words. “Shh, I know baby, I love you too.” He let Callum mumble into his neck some more, stroking his hair back softly, until his legs grew weary and he needed to sit down. “Come on baby, time for bed.” 

Tiredness swept over Callum the second Ben guided him to bed, pulling his eyes closed as his head hit the pillow. He was so tired, but he forced himself to stay awake whilst Ben switched off the lights and got comfortable beside him. 

“You’ve not taken your audio processor out,” Cal pointed out when Ben snuggled into his pillow. 

“I know.” Ben smiled. “I’ve got something to say first.” 

Despite the warm tone Callum’s stomach dropped. This was it, the moment everything went wrong, that Ben told him he wanted him out in the morn- 

“I love you so much Callum. I will always love you. I don’t want you to say sorry anymore, okay? What happened, I know it wasn’t your fault, so please stop blaming yourself.” 

Tears filled Callum’s eyes again, and if he weren’t so overcome with the weight of Ben’s words he’d be baffled he had enough water in him to create tears, and he smiled softly. 

“Ben,” He breathed. There were no words to express his gratitude. In lieu of them, he shuffled over, kissing Ben’s lips and cuddling close to his chest. Instantly, Ben wrapped his arms around Callum’s shoulders, pulling him flush. 

They laid there until all of the remaining tension slid from Callum’s shoulders and his breathing deepened, little snores escaping him. 

“Night baby.” Ben whispered, finally moving to take out his processor, steady and gentle so as not to wake his sleeping love. 

It had been so long since he’d seen Callum truly relaxed. Even in nights past there had been tension in his face, unease in the set of his shoulders as he slept. Now it had all melted away. 

“I love you, Callum.” Ben breathed, snuggling down and letting his hands stroke at Callum’s hair. 

He was going to make sure his beautiful man slept soundly, comfortably. If it meant staying up all night, playing with his hair and murmuring comforting nonsense, then so be it. It was with it. 

Callum was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so real life stuff is really busy right now so I've not been able to write as much. Hope you're all well! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought, kudos and comments are always welcome and appreciated. 
> 
> Have a great day!


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